Following my 10 unbold predictions for the upcoming 2014 baseball season, my fiancé, Emily, has also made a list of 10 predictions. As is true with mine, her list is loosely focused on baseball. Eight of the ten items do involve things related to the sport, though one of those involves the retirement of an already retired player. Two items, however, deal separately with our personal relationship and a basketball player’s personal relationship with his own identity. Now, the list:
1. Mike Trout will get injured.
2. Michael Wacha will hurt his elbow.
3. Mike Napoli will get drunk and take his shirt off.
4. For every home run Miguel Cabrera hits, Teddy* will poop in the basement.
5. We’ll get married.
6. Jorge Posada will retire.
7. Coco Crisp will change his name to Timothy Jones.
8. Bryce Harper will get busted for using steroids.
9. Chris Bosh will come out of the closet.
10. The Tampa Bay Rays will win the World Series.
*Teddy is our dog. Because it is true that he is our dog, it is also true that he is not a human. Still, it is less than ideal for either a dog or human to poop on our basement floor.