Monthly Archives: April 2014

iOOTP Baseball 2014 Edition, Reviewed (An Exercise in Turning Evan Gattis Into a Real, Not Fake Monster)

Important: iOOTP Baseball 2014 Edition is now available for iOS. Each previous version of the game has been my favorite iOS app until replaced by the next, and early experiences suggest the same for 2014. A reviewer who is also a … Continue reading

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A Short Poem Regarding the Imminent Decline of Aaron Harang

Aaron Harang is a journeyman. His slider, perhaps, a talisman. But he’ll soon give up a home run, man. Then he’ll give up 58 more.

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Regarding The Batter’s Eye of Sauron in Minnesota’s Target Field

Concealed within Target Field, the lord of Mordor sees all. His gaze pierces cloud, shadow, earth, and mostly empty seats. You know of what I speak, Gandalf: a poorly illustrated Eye, lidless, wreathed in flame.

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A Summary of J.E. Gattis, the Eternal Cavalier

It would be reasonable, should one suggest that “Rowdy” is the middle name of J.E. Gattis. A word which appropriately describes his moral compass is “unique.” He is surely the living death of American pietism. For two jugs of wine and a … Continue reading

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A Quote By Robert Frost Regarding James Evan Gattis

Poetry is when Evan Gattis’ bat has found its baseball and the baseball has found outer space.

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Out of the Park Baseball 15, Reviewed

Out of the Park Baseball 15 (OOTP 15) Developer: Out of the Park Developments Platforms: Mac, PC, and Linux Release Date: April 18, 2014 Price: $39.99  A week before opening day, Ben Zobrist was traded to the Atlanta Braves for a pair of prospects … Continue reading

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A Ryan Braun .gif Which Offers the Phrase, “You Go, Girl”

Regarding the above .gif, note two things: Ryan Braun had an incredible game against the Phillies today, hitting three home runs and batting in seven runs. According to Wikipedia, “archeological evidence indicates dance has been an important part of ceremony, … Continue reading

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An Interview With Jordan Walden, or Life in the Woods

Posted below is an entirely fictional conversation between an equally fictional interviewer and Atlanta Braves relief pitcher Jordan Walden. The questions asked are not real, and because there are no real questions, there can be no real answers. Such is … Continue reading

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A Reader’s Guide to Evan Gattis’ Trademark Thickness

It has been said, by my fiancé, about Evan Gattis: “He has a trademark thickness about him.” Boy, does he! It is a thickness that does not move mountains, because that is only a silly idiom. Evan Gattis’ Thickness™ does … Continue reading

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The Cleveland Mikes Project

Hello, reader. Do you play iOOTP? If so, good. You’re smart, cool, and everyone you know considers you their favorite person. If not, you should, and you are none of the previously mentioned things. It’s quite a bit lighter than … Continue reading

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