Important: iOOTP Baseball 2014 Edition is now available for iOS. Each previous version of the game has been my favorite iOS app until replaced by the next, and early experiences suggest the same for 2014. A reviewer who is also a cornball might call it “a real home run” or “a grand slam of an app,” or claim that Out of the Park Developments has “truly knocked it out of the park with this one.” To them, I’d reply, “I agree, you cornball.”
I wrote about iOOTP’s more portly desktop counterpart here. iOOTP delivers the same general experience on a much smaller scale, with a pretty large emphasis on “much smaller.” If OOTP is James Joyce’s Ulysses, iOOTP is a three page book report sourced from the CliffsNotes of James Joyce’s Ulysses. I don’t mean to suggest the game is bad – it is the opposite of bad, and I’m sure there have been written some primo three page book reports sourced from the CliffsNotes of James Joyce’s Ulysses. Rather, I mean to suggest it contains the same general essence of OOTP, without allowing the madly obsessive (and madly enjoyable) attention to detail. Plus, it’s a lot easier to play at work, or while attending a dumb school play involving your dumb kid, or making proper use of a toilet. If you’ve purchased and enjoy OOTP, it is absolutely worth your $4.99 to play the iOS version.
Let’s review strengths and weakness, you and I:
- Updated 2014 rosters! Do not fret, fellow Braves fan. You won’t have to scramble to add baseball’s most valuable slider to your pitching staff. Aaron Harang is already there.
- Shiny new looks! This year’s model looks like an iOS 7 app. My thoughts on color palettes are intensely unmerited, as I don’t even know what a color palette is, really. But, as someone whose thoughts on color palettes are intensely unmerited, I like iOOTP 2014’s color palette.
- The simulated outcomes at least seem to be a little more realistic. In the 2012 and 2013 iterations of the game, I quickly turned Atlanta into the most dominant franchise in sports history. As in, 59 of 60 championships in the earlier of the two versions. So far, in this year’s version, I’ve led Tampa Bay to seven consecutive 90+ win seasons and zero championships. I like it.
- A player, if so inclined, can take control of Tampa Bay and release Josh Lueke, Major League rapist.
- It is now possible, as suggested on the OOTP forums, to import in-app purchases (historical seasons) from iOOTP ’13 to iOOTP ’14. THIS. IS. WONDERFUL.
- Updated 2014 rosters! Fret, Twins fan/person who appreciates a magnificent gentleman (see: baseball prospect) when they see one. Miguel Sano is on the disabled list.
- The amateur draft remains a bit silly. The draft consists of five rounds, which mostly offer decent-to-terrible middle relievers. The first three or four picks, however, often find five-star success in the Major Leagues immediately after being drafted. The mobile version of the best baseball simulation game that could possibly exist is expected to play lighter than the desktop version, but not as light as this.
Strength Which Is Conveniently Relevant to the Remainder of This Post
- You can edit players.
YOU CAN EDIT PLAYERS. Which is to say, you can very easily transform Evan Gattis, documented gentleman, from a slugging catcher without much else to offer into the baseball monstrosity his Thickness™ suggests. Here is the page which describes the player, more accurately described as the genetic experiment gone terribly awry.
Here is the expanded view of those skills, again valued on a 1-20 scale.
The Braves, led by the creature represented as Evan Gattis, won 92 games in 2014. In their division, they finished 15 games behind the Washington Nationals and did not make the playoffs. Though Gattis’ team did not enjoy the success it would have liked, the creature itself performed well (see: so absurdly great to turn a well-respected lady’s hair gray, had it been brown the night before). His basic stats and advanced stats pages, below.
There it is, the glorious product.
- 127 walks vs. 16 strikeouts.
- 107 stolen bases at an 89% success rate.
- A home run in every 14.5 at bats.
- 267 OPS+
Amazing. So amazing, in fact, it would be the second best season had by Mr. Barry Lamar Bonds. SECOND.
In 2002, Bonds posted a 268 OPS+. Barry Bonds, an actual living person, hit .370/.582/.799 that season. He walked 198 times. He hit 46 home runs in only 403 at bats. Barry Bonds (chemically enhanced, but not a video game lab experiment modified to be as good as possible at everything) was, IN REAL LIFE, better than my video game lab experiment modified to be as good as possible at everything. Bonds was nearly as good in 2004, batting a hilarious .362/.609/.812 on the way to a 263 OPS+. In 2001, he hit 73 home runs for a 259 OPS+. In 1992 and 1993, when he weighed 75 lbs. and required no parenthetical conditions, he posted 204 and 206 OPS+ seasons.
The point is, a lot of players used steroids in the 1980s, 1990s, and 2000s. At least one player even used them in the 1880s. But only one of them recorded multiple seasons comparable to that of a malformed he-beast created by an omnipotent lunatic for the sole purpose of defiling all that is not already chaotic in the realm of baseball video games. Barry Lamar Bonds.
So, regarding iOOTP Baseball 2014 Edition…
Overall rating, on a scale of 1-5 Zobrists: 5 Zobrists.