A List of People Mike Minor Would Eagerly Strike Out, If Given the Chance

Today was supposed to be a simple day. It was to be a morning of finding Danzig lyrics which are also explanations of José Abreu; an afternoon of honest review regarding the online purchase of Adult Costume President Lincoln Stove Pipe Hat.

The present author finds great comfort in such simplicity, but agrees it is a-ok if such a day is interrupted by Mike Minor staging a full-scale rebellion against all that is natural on the pitching mound. In today’s contest against the Seattle Mariners (none of whom are actual sailors who navigate or assist in the navigation of ships, probably), Minor struck out 10 batters in 7 innings, walked three, and recorded a game xFIP of 1.86.

Such a performance demands recognition, which now presents itself in the form of a list of people Mike Minor would eagerly strike out, if given the chance:

  • Carlos Gomez
  • Mighty Casey, himself
  • The remainder of the Mudville Nine
  • François-Marie Arouet, himself
  • The remainder of the French Enlightenment writers
  • Your mother
  • Your first-born
  • Kevin Costner
  • Jonas Salk
  • Saint John XXIII
  • Aleister Crowley
  • Every current and past member of Steely Dan
  • Monsanto
  • The original Broadway cast of A Streetcar Named Desire
  • Ortho “The Darkness” Stice
  • Joe Louis
  • Max Schmeling
  • Stone Cold Steve Austin
  • The Six Million Dollar Man, Steve Austin
  • The Million Dollar Man, Ted DiBiase
  • The $36.78 man, Me
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