Andrelton Simmons Can…

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Andrelton Simmons can steal your lunch, eat it, then return it to you in its original state of unsully.

Andrelton Simmons can (read: does) easily recite Romantic era classics as he throws you out from a spot that is practically left field.

Andrelton Simmons can endure paroxysm-caliber fits of sneezing while experiencing neither a heart attack, nor orgasm.

Andrelton Simmons can break through the most advanced encryption standards while literally sleeping.

Andrelton Simmons can tell [Kanye West] nothin’.

Do not mistake his candor for brashness or immodesty. When Andrelton Simmons says he can do everything, it is just because he can. His amour-propre is exactly his truth.

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About Joshua Allen-Worrell

Joshua Allen-Worrell is a very part-time writer. He did not graduate from the University of Virginia with a degree in economics in 1989. He did, however, poop in a diaper that year. Josh is a fan of the Atlanta Braves and the name Zoilo Almonte. He often makes tweets as @oldseacaptain.
This entry was posted in Andrelton Simmons Is Likely a God and tagged , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

One Response to Andrelton Simmons Can…

  1. Ethan says:

    Solid post, again.

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