Let the record show that on July 21, 2014, author/poet/destroyer-of-a-sacred-many-things Carson Cistulli issued the first public notice of the weblog expiration heard ’round the world. NotGraphs – the internet’s #1 destination for baseball fans who dare to dream – is ending. Not even the most important phone call taken by the most important taker of phone calls can save us now. The end is truly nigh.
As such, there is no progress made by sad remembrance or the authorship of angry letters. There is, rather, much progress made by focusing our attention on what comes next. To this end, and for two contributors to NotGraphs, I present some ideas.
Carson Cistulli – Carson on the Street
Fuse’s Billy on the Street is a genuine hit. In the market of fast-paced pop culture quiz shows aired on premium music channels, Billy is certainly among the most successful. As the show’s notoriety has grown, however, so has the notoriety of its titular player. Billy Eichner recently secured a book deal and a starring role in a new show produced by Amy Poehler. It is reasonable to believe that at some point in the near future, Billy on the Street will be without its Billy.
Enter Carson Cistulli. While Eichner is certainly moving up in the world, Cistulli is more accurately described as moving around in it (the world). A feature spot on Fuse’s top program could be just what C.C. needs to move around in it (the world) with slightly more fervor. The leader of the soon defunct NotGraphs gang would definitely fail to match Eichner’s charisma and disregard for the obscene, but would at least try to make up for it by talking quietly about wine and using confidently obtuse terms to muse whimsically about his self’s own shortcomings.
Dayn Perry – Dayn on the Street
While similar to Carson’s venture in name, the content of Mr. Perry’s venture would be drastically different. There are no cameras involved with this potential endeavor, as the gist of Dayn on the Street features Dayn Perry wandering about various streets, trying desperately to exchange autographed Banknotes Harper quips for negligible amounts of U.S. currency. Upon the rise of every moon, Perry will quickly scan Twitter for retweet-worthy messages about crime in Chicago before laying neatly out a photo of Cistulli and sleeping with his ass comfortably upon it.