Monthly Archives: August 2014

DARVISH COULD OF BEEN LESS OF A PUSSY ABOUT ELBOWGATE

The following is an estimate, made by the present author, of the piece ESPN Dallas wishes they’d ran on Yu Darvish. This dumb effort did not *actually* appear at ESPNDallas.com, as made evident by its superior quality. Note this and this, rather, which are … Continue reading

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Rollie Fingers Has Gazed Into the Abyss and Emerged Unchanged

Rollie Fingers has gazed into the abyss and emerged unchanged. Consider the act of approaching a single door at the end of a tight, bare hallway, and opening the door to find only another, and then but another, and so on … Continue reading

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The Inexplicably Senseless MVZ Max Scherzer Iris Coloration Scale of Performance™: 8/14/14

Max Scherzer has one blue eye and one brown eye. By now, most people know this. If you didn’t know it until now, (a) read an online newspaper sometime, ass-butt, and (b) you’re welcome. The condition which causes Scherzer’s coolest … Continue reading

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Most Valuable Playlist #1: The Inaugural One

It is implied by name, and stated explicitly on its very own About page, that Most Valuable Zobrist is a baseball blog. As such, that it is a baseball blog goes mostly unquestioned. Its status as a music blog is nearly the … Continue reading

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A Short Play Involving Kevin Towers and Tony La Russa

Characters KEVIN TOWERS, general manager of the Arizona Diamondbacks TONY LA RUSSA, Chief Baseball Officer for the Arizona Diamondbacks ACT 1 A relatively small private meeting room, roughly 8 feet x 8 feet, lit brightly by a fluorescent glow that is somehow … Continue reading

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Chasing Davenport: José Abreu vs. Everything We Thought We Knew About Everything

The task of projecting any baseball player’s transition to a new league is a difficult one, but for reasons explained here by Eno Sarris, it is especially difficult to do so for Cuban players. No projection system is perfect, but Clay Davenport’s Davenport Translations have … Continue reading

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A Few Unkind Words About Kevin Towers and Kirk Gibson

Note the following two similarities between Kevin Towers and Kirk Gibson: 1.) Each is terrible at his job. 2.) Each is an insufferable dick. Separately, these two blowhards serve as the general manager and team manager, respectively, of the Arizona … Continue reading

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