Category Archives: Braves :/

Being a Braves Fan, The Process™, and Fun in Sports

Let’s talk about why sports exist. As most of you know, sports were born from the Altoona Conference of 1849, mere weeks after the Mighty Men of Earth, history’s most reverential band of brothers, united from 62 countries to fend off … Continue reading

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Notes on the Kimbrel Trade (Happy Opening Day, I Guess)

Isn’t Opening Day great? Doesn’t each aural occurrence of ball meeting bat in that first game make you increasingly warm from head to toe? Is there anything better than ogling perfectly dressed high socks in a game that actually means something? Opening … Continue reading

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A Farewell to (Impossibly Strong) Arms: Notes on the Evan Gattis Trade

Right now, it is 11:49 PM, Central Standard Time, on January 14, 2015. I am trying to write the words “Evan Gattis is a Houston Astro,” which means I am also hoping desperately for a sudden moment of realization that … Continue reading

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Evan Gattis Is on the Disabled List, and All Humans Are Ants

Evan Gattis is on the disabled list. Humans are ants traveling to and from their anthills motivated by an imaginary purpose that ends up the same as everything else, which is to suggest that the final sum of everything we … Continue reading

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#BARVES (or, An Example Which Is the Real and True Essence of the Hashtag)

Last night, the Braves committed three errors in a single game which resulted in a walk-off loss to complete a sweep by a team that had previously lost ten straight games. The Braves are still in first place. #BARVES

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A Recap of the Braves Game (Within the Grander Scheme of Things, Really)

RECAP: Braves #, Other Team # MM/DD/YY It doesn’t matter because death continues to wait patiently for its inevitable meeting with everything you know and love.

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The Braves Have Lost Six Straight Games, and I Hate It and Think It’s Stupid

The Braves, notable baseball team from Atlanta, lost their sixth straight game yesterday. The loss confirmed a sweep of the Braves by way of San Francisco’s Giants – who are not giants, but regular-sized men who play baseball for the San … Continue reading

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A Short Poem Regarding the Imminent Decline of Aaron Harang

Aaron Harang is a journeyman. His slider, perhaps, a talisman. But he’ll soon give up a home run, man. Then he’ll give up 58 more.

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