Category Archives: The Gattis Chronicles

A Farewell to (Impossibly Strong) Arms: Notes on the Evan Gattis Trade

Right now, it is 11:49 PM, Central Standard Time, on January 14, 2015. I am trying to write the words “Evan Gattis is a Houston Astro,” which means I am also hoping desperately for a sudden moment of realization that … Continue reading

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J.E. Gattis and the Quest for Strength

J.E. Gattis went to the woods, but not because he wished to live deliberately. That is something a transcendentalist poet would do, and the only thing J.E. Gattis hates more than a transcendentalist poet is every other type of poet. “Poetry is … Continue reading

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Evan Gattis Is on the Disabled List, and All Humans Are Ants

Evan Gattis is on the disabled list. Humans are ants traveling to and from their anthills motivated by an imaginary purpose that ends up the same as everything else, which is to suggest that the final sum of everything we … Continue reading

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A Summary of J.E. Gattis, the Eternal Cavalier

It would be reasonable, should one suggest that “Rowdy” is the middle name of J.E. Gattis. A word which appropriately describes his moral compass is “unique.” He is surely the living death of American pietism. For two jugs of wine and a … Continue reading

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A Quote By Robert Frost Regarding James Evan Gattis

Poetry is when Evan Gattis’ bat has found its baseball and the baseball has found outer space.

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