Tag Archives: Braves

Being a Braves Fan, The Process™, and Fun in Sports

Let’s talk about why sports exist. As most of you know, sports were born from the Altoona Conference of 1849, mere weeks after the Mighty Men of Earth, history’s most reverential band of brothers, united from 62 countries to fend off … Continue reading

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Lucas Sims and Lucas Simms: Alike, but Different

About the two men pictured above, certain truths are absolute: They are, physically, precisely identical. They share the morally superior middle-name “Sundberg.” They were both living in Cheektowaga, New York when the storm of 1977 hit, and both lived through the … Continue reading

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A Farewell to (Impossibly Strong) Arms: Notes on the Evan Gattis Trade

Right now, it is 11:49 PM, Central Standard Time, on January 14, 2015. I am trying to write the words “Evan Gattis is a Houston Astro,” which means I am also hoping desperately for a sudden moment of realization that … Continue reading

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A Consideration of Candidates for the Position of Atlanta Braves General Manager

Frank Wren is no longer the general manager of the Atlanta Braves. It’s a bit odd, as general managers tend to have pretty great job security, and Wren’s tenure saw the club make the playoffs three times and sign most of its young, talented … Continue reading

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A Brief Think Piece Regarding Andrelton Simmons’ Throwing Arm

Andrelton Simmons has a fantastic throwing arm, and I think I like it.

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Evan Gattis Is on the Disabled List, and All Humans Are Ants

Evan Gattis is on the disabled list. Humans are ants traveling to and from their anthills motivated by an imaginary purpose that ends up the same as everything else, which is to suggest that the final sum of everything we … Continue reading

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A List of People Mike Minor Would Eagerly Strike Out, If Given the Chance

Today was supposed to be a simple day. It was to be a morning of finding Danzig lyrics which are also explanations of José Abreu; an afternoon of honest review regarding the online purchase of Adult Costume President Lincoln Stove … Continue reading

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A Recap of the Braves Game (Within the Grander Scheme of Things, Really)

RECAP: Braves #, Other Team # MM/DD/YY It doesn’t matter because death continues to wait patiently for its inevitable meeting with everything you know and love.

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The Braves Have Lost Six Straight Games, and I Hate It and Think It’s Stupid

The Braves, notable baseball team from Atlanta, lost their sixth straight game yesterday. The loss confirmed a sweep of the Braves by way of San Francisco’s Giants – who are not giants, but regular-sized men who play baseball for the San … Continue reading

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An Interview With Jordan Walden, or Life in the Woods

Posted below is an entirely fictional conversation between an equally fictional interviewer and Atlanta Braves relief pitcher Jordan Walden. The questions asked are not real, and because there are no real questions, there can be no real answers. Such is … Continue reading

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